Don't they (the BATFE) have anything better to do?

I will soon be taking possession of a Kel-Tec PLR-16 "pistol." The idea behind purchasing something of such admittedly limited utility is that I've been bitten by the bug to have a firearm in the general class that offended Jim Zumbo so much, but being paraplegic and confined to a wheelchair, a full size rifle (or even a carbine) seemed a bit awkward and impractical.

There are, of course, several AR "pistol" variants out there, but with the big ol' buffer tube sticking out the back, they're little more compact than a carbine. The Kel-Tec doesn't have that--and it's considerably cheaper.

What does this have to do with our favorite band of merry stormtroopers? Well, I also ordered the forend piece, which includes an under-barrel picatinny rail. Not only does the attachment make the entire ensemble look much cooler, it would also make attaching a vertical foregrip (which I suspect would be especially useful for me, because of my limited lower trunk strength, and thus compromised balance and stability) a trivial exercise. Trivial, that is, from a mechanical standpoint. Legally, it's anything but, as the BATFE helpfully advises us.

ATF has long held that by installing a vertical fore grip on a handgun, the handgun is no longer designed to be held and fired by the use of a single hand. Therefore, if individuals install a vertical fore grip on a handgun, they are “making” a firearm requiring registration with ATF’s NFA Branch. Making an unregistered “AOW” is punishable by a fine and 10 years’ imprisonment. Additionally, possession of an unregistered “AOW” is also punishable by fine and 10 years’ imprisonment.

So, to keep America safer, a modification to a gun that makes it more easily used by a paraplegic carries with it a ten year prison sentence, unless it's done in conjunction with jumping through a ridiculous series of legal and bureaucratic hoops. Thank you, BATFE--that should certainly help to reduce violence.

If I decide to bother with all this, I have a choice of which particular hoops I subject myself to. Here's option number one:

To lawfully add a vertical fore grip to a handgun, a person must make an appropriate application on ATF Form 1, “Application to Make and Register a Firearm.” The applicant must submit the completed form, along with a fingerprint card bearing the applicant’s fingerprints; a photograph; and $200.00. The application will be reviewed by the NFA Branch. If the applicant is not prohibited from possessing a firearm under Federal, State, or local law, and possession of an “AOW” is not prohibited in the applicant’s State of residence, the form will be approved. Only then may the person add a vertical fore grip to the designated handgun.

So, to install a foregrip ($12 from MidwayUSA, with my dealer discount that I get by virtue of having my C&R license on file with them), I have to pay the feds $200--not to mention sending them a photograph and fingerprints (what--no DNA sample?). Obviously, I'm not much interested in that option.

Onto option number two:

A person may also send the handgun to a person licensed to manufacture NFA weapons. The manufacturer will install the fore grip on the firearm and register the firearm on an ATF Form 2. The manufacturer can then transfer the firearm back to the individual on an ATF Form 4, which results in a $5.00 transfer tax. If the manufacturer is out of State, the NFA Branch will need a clarification letter submitted with the ATF Form 4 so that the NFA Branch Examiner will know the circumstances of the transfer. Questions can be directed to the NFA Branch or the Firearms Technology Branch.

OK, instead of a $200 tax, I pay a $5 one--I can live with that. But, I have to pay a licensed NFA firearms manufacturer to perform the "installation" (which even a mechanically challenged doofus like myself could do in seconds), plus shipping back and forth. I don't know if I can even find someone with the license who would agree to this kind of trivial deal--especially in Illinois (doing it out of state would necessitate even more paperwork). Finally, I would have to get the chief of my local police department to sign the ATF Form 4 application--something he is under no legal obligation to do (I have no idea whether he would be willing to do so, or not).

We keep hearing the Brady Bunch wail and complain that the BATFE is overwhelmed, understaffed, and underfunded. Maybe if they got out of the business of regulating the most insanely trivial aspects of firearm ownership, sale, and manufacture, they wouldn't be in such a position.